I have a lot of girlfriends. In fact, I cannot remember a time where I wasn’t surrounded by a bunch of other girls-from grade school all the way to college and even after that. After having spent years watching my friends’ courtships, relationships, and breakups (plus my own experiences added to the mix), I can now therefore conclude that all men are not created equal. There are guys who chase girls like a sport, guys who live and breathe by their ‘barkada’, guys who are born workaholics, guys who lurk and stalk, guys who get stuck in the friend zone, and of course there are the dreamy types who just seem to be perfect in every way. Of course, the girls think that all the dreamboats are taken and it’s normally the ‘undesirables’ who are at their heels—but that’s not necessarily true. There are a lot of nice men out there, they just don’t know the first thing about getting the girl. So let me write a few tips for you, guys. Here are some ways to behave like a gentleman and get yourself a date in the process.
1. Never begin a text message with “Sup?”. I mean, seriously. I cannot believe ANY girl would even respond to that. If you want to ask how her day is going and what she’s up to, just say so and stop trying to play cool. So yes, ‘How are you’ is fine—but if you want to take things up a notch, why don’t you start a conversation with a clever remark about something that reminds you of her or a topic you know she’d be interested in. This is where smart guys get extra points—the more well-read and cultured you are, the easier you can impress a girl.
2. Be interested in what she has to say. I’ve conversed with enough guys to know that many of them only care about one opinion: their own. Yes, it’s nice of you to share your thoughts on various matters—probably in an effort to open up. But at least pause long enough to listen to the lady’s response and make an effort to understand. You don’t need to transform into a woman to do that. Avoid interrupting her mid-sentence, and absorb what she is saying. A good listener is normally better liked by everyone.
3. Ask a girl out several days ahead. If you like independent women who have their act together, that normally means they lead pretty busy lives—there’s work, personal events with friends, birthdays and parties, trips, errands and even salon time to compete with. So if you want to ask her out, make sure you call at least 3 days before so she can make arrangements to spend time with you. No girl appreciates being the last minute choice where you only call the minute another girl declines a date or if plans with your friends did not push thru.
4. Don’t ‘meet up’. I know this sounds totally antiquated, but I really believe that effort counts for a lot. It miffs me a little bit when someone who seemed interested and calls to ask me out suggests ‘meeting up somewhere’. If you want to go on a date, be prepared to at least fetch the girl wherever she’s staying, and then returning her there afterwards. And don’t just drive by and honk the horn outside her gate. Get out of the car, wait in the living room, meet her parents if they’re there. That’s being a gentleman. None of these random meet-ups with friends where you’re pretty vague about what the plan really is in the first place…unless of course you intend to be just friends.
5. Know how to pay a compliment. Letting out a low whistle and saying “You look hot!” sounds exciting, but that’s just not sincere or sweet enough to cut it. All you really have to do is smile and tell her she looks beautiful. Or let’s say there’s something she did that you liked—like the way she laughs or the way she walks or the way her eyes twinkle when she talks about a topic of interest—just tell her! It won’t sound dorky, I promise. Everyone appreciates a genuine, honest compliment given without any hidden agenda.
6. Be on your best behaviour. This is not the time to brag about the cars you own or how you knocked out some guy at a bar, how wasted you were at a party, or how some girl practically jumped you. Neither is it appropriate to lose your temper with the help, or get drunk, or antagonize her and her friends’ opinions. And I’m not just talking about while you’re on a date, but ever. Lock up Mr. Hyde and throw away the key.
7. Be real. You really don’t need to pretend you’re perfect, or blameless, or anything other than what you are. So whip out the corny jokes and the crazy dance moves… if you have a good character and appear confident and comfortable, chances are we’ll like you, quirks and all. Just don’t do anything gross ok?
8. Avoid a dutch date. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s fair for a girl and a guy to split tabs once in a while—like the guy can treat for dinner and the girl treats for dessert or a movie. Especially when you’re friends, or going steady. But on a first date, (and it doesn’t have to be a fancy first date) pick up the check. That’s the least you can do in exchange for the girl’s company.
9. No funny business. Now that I’m a little older, I’ve come to realize that the reason why so many guys behave like total slimeballs and sleazebags is because the girls let them. Sorry, but as far as my friends and I are concerned (and we don’t care if we end up the last remaining single women on the planet), we only play clean. Flirty is ok, but fresh is another matter. That means don’t even try anything stupid if you don’t want to get slapped on both cheeks. Then again, I’ll bet guys can tell from the first time a girl even speaks if she’s down for that sort of stuff or not.
10. Make her comfortable. There is something that must be said for guys who have been trained well by their moms about how to treat all women (yes, from little girls all the way to grandmas). It is a gentleman’s obligation to try and make her feel comfortable and safe, that is why they pull out chairs and hold open doors, cross on the more dangerous side of the road, and ask the waiter to refill her glass without her asking. It seems old school I know, but when a woman is comfortable, she glows. And when you notice yourself acting like a gentleman around her, you will value her all the more. Try it and see for yourself.
All in all guys, it doesn’t take that much more effort to be ‘good’ and to be regarded as someone with breeding and class. All you really need is a little honest attention to people and a genuine desire to be a better man. If you’re up for the challenge, you might just find yourself dating the girl of your dreams.
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